My Christmas!

Nobody asked how my Christmas went. But I know that is just because you are shy but really want to know.

Right? Uh, whatever.

It was nasty weather, as you may recall. Fortunately, I survived, which you can see as I am writing this blog.

But enough of the blather! On to the excitement!

The bad weather forced an early Christmas Eve dinner, not that I cared. The food was ready! After a massive feast, I braved the nasty weather to return my daughter to sender. It was near blizzard like conditions in the greater Cameron metro area.

After the prisoner exchange, I stopped by Wal Mart for something. It was shortly before closing time and the following announcement aired twice during my short visit: “Attention associates, the store will be closing in --- minutes so our associates can spend Christmas Eve with their families!”

I might not be the sharpest nail in the sheetrock, but I figured the associates knew what time they got to Escape from Wal Mart! (Hmm, sounds like a low-budget thriller starring Christian Slater or Cuba Gooding Jr.!) I wondered why they didn’t say: “Hey, get through shopping, idiots who are in Wal Mart on Christmas Eve! We want to go home!”

I would like to add that the freak factor was rather high that evening. When we went in, it was only snowing. But the sleet hit the fan (and cars and road) while I was inside and started covering everything.

I also made my first snowball of the winter! Unfortunately my target slipped behind cover as the snowball headed toward her. No, I was never a pitcher in baseball and didn’t know she could move that fast.

As I made my way home later that evening, the roads were getting a little yucky. I fell in with a convoy of several other vehicles going a whopping 40. I urged! I pleaded! I shook my head in a dramatic fashion! Nothing helped! They wouldn’t go faster. Maybe I should have extended the middle finger, but since it was dark and Christmas Eve, I held off.

On Christmas morning, I made a trip back to Poteau. Only one car and a truck in the ditch. I considered chuckling, but didn’t since it wasn’t that funny and it was Christmas.

But hey, on the day after Christmas, I braved Wal Mart in Poteau and Fort Smith and even went by the mall! Too many people. I have had nightmares of that day. That was plural, as you can tell by the “s” on the end of nightmare. It could have been another bad movie: “Trapped in Wal Mart the day after Christmas!” The return line stretched nearly out the door.

Let’s just say the Christmas spirit was not evident in a lot of the people. I wanted to say Merry Christmas to a few to see the reaction, but I didn’t. Okay, I didn’t want to get hit over the head with a 50-pound purse! Would you? Some of the people looked meaner than the people eaters in Night of the Living Dead.

I also coughed a lot from a combo cold/flu! I blame that on being out in the weather too much and all the germs at the mall and Wal Mart. Obviously the peeps did not know to sneeze into their elbow. Get me a personal injury lawyer! Pronto!

Overall, I survived. I checked the weather this morning. More snow tomorrow? What the Martin N. Hinds is going on?

I did see on Facebook that my buddy Janie (Pitchford) Hairrell’s birthday is today. Happy birthday! She’s almost as old as I am!