Vacation ends...sadly

It is with a great deal of sadness that my brief vacation has ended and I must return to the toils of labor today.

Because of skillful planning, I combined two days of vacation with a weekend and the July 4th holiday to form a five-day escape from work.

But as I mentioned previously, that ends at approximately 8:20 this morning.

As you are probably breathless in anticipation of my exciting vacation, I will share it with you!

FRIDAY—uh, was the first day of vacation. I, uh, can’t remember what I did. I vaguely recall renting a movie (or was that Saturday?) We’ll call this a relaxing vacation day.

SATURDAY—let’s see, that was the second day of vacation. I, uh, crud, what did I do? Oh yes, the brain cells are not completely frittered away. The wife, mother of mine and I went to Fort Smith and visited my 96-year old grandmother, Rena.

Okay, I have been a negligent grandchild and have not seen her in a long time. Consider me scorned. She has lost a little of her speed over time but is still sharp, although she could not grasp why I could not print off the LeFlore County Journal and show it to her. “It’s a website, not printed!” I tried to say. Of course, she probably has not ever seen a website and has no interest in surfing the old web.

I introduced her to my wife, Trish, several times. With my past marital strikeouts, I can see how this would be confusing.

After that, we went to eat at a Fort Smith restaurant I shall not name because they failed to advertise for their mention or grant me free eating. It was good, though, and I enjoyed making a mess with the peanuts and Trish not having grounds to scold me for making the above-mentioned mess, for once.

SUNDAY—I was actually a semi-sorta bee (or Craig) on this fine day. I mowed a portion of the grass which had not died yet, cleaned the wood floors (which have somehow become my responsibility) and went to a local laundry to clean a rug. Unfortunately, while at the laundry, I forgot an almost new thing of laundry soap. Trish figured this out later on when she decided to do laundry.

I went back to retrieve the soap but somebody had pilfered it away. NEWS FLASH: Thieves terrorizing local laundromat! I have been reading a lot of mystery novels and thought about breaking out Detective Craig, but decided that would probably be a waste. I considered confronting a person visiting our fine country from south of the Red River, but did not want to deal with all the language difficulties. Plus, he wasn’t there earlier so I had to buy a #%$ new thing of laundry soap at a local store, which I will also not name since I did not mention Logan’s earlier.

MONDAY—The big day! Not only was it the birthday of our country, but Trish turned a year older! I would tell you how old she is, but I forgot. So we had a big cookout, I came close to a personal grilling record by knocking out 24 angus burgers and 16 hot dogs (no, not the Anthony Weiner variety).

Fans, let me tell you, it was a hot one as I labored in front of the old grill to make sure nobody went home hungry. I sweated in places that I did not know could or would leak perspiration.

But bravely, I fought through the discomfort, the pain, the constant mosquito attacks and the frequent “when are we going to eat?” questions and I conquered the challenge! The grub was good, also, as you probably expected from a grillmeister of my fame, but no fortune.

After everybody scooted, it was time to watch the fireworks. Fortunately, our homestead is just below the hill and we had a great view of the explosives. After much prodding from my wife to take it easy and relax, which I had been doing since approximately 5 or so, we settled in out front. Coach Andrew Perdue joined us and we rejoiced in the splendor and magnificence of the fireworks and good company, since I was there.

And that leads us to the final day…

TUESDAY—a sad day this was, knowing my parole was fixing to end. I actually slept in (to almost 8 a.m.!) because of the grueling Independence Day and staying up WAY past the optimal sleeping time for Craigman.

Met a couple of friends for lunch and then went to swim at a friend’s house, even though they were home. We planned on having a cookout but I was a little wheezy (probably from the suffering on Monday) and we had to leave before the food was grilled.

So, there you have it! My vacation in a nutshell (or rather long-winded narrative, if you must).

Less than an hour of freedom remains. Now if life had a pause or rewind button.