Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Journal tries out new reporting technique

After over two years of publishing the LeFlore County Journal, I finally figured out why we aren’t making the big bucks.

This came to me while listening to a game on the radio the other night and it was a “duh” moment. Why had I not thought about it earlier?

No response necessary to that last question, thank you very much. Before I get started with my new writing style, I thought I would test it out first, kind of a target audience to get your response.

Okay, this example is from an imaginary football game.

Welcome to the game story on the Stu’s Septic Service LeFlore County Journal Game of the Week! Remember, at Stu’s Septic Service we take crap so you don’t have to!

Tonight’s game was between the Petros Panthers, sponsored this week by King’s BBQ, and the Summerfield Squirrels, once again sponsored by Jamatt RV, where they can't save you money if you shop anywhere else!

The Marilyn’s Bail Bond play of the game happened in the third quarter when the KP’s Player of the Game, Bub Bubbles intercepted a pass and returned it for a 74-yard Lyle Whitworth Allstate Agency touchdown to put the Panthers ahead, 6-0.

The First National Bank, which is the largest bank in Heavener, extra point attempt was wide right. The score update was sponsored by the Kiamichi Technology Center.

And our Anchor Finance Final Score was, 6-0, in favor of the Panthers!

Both teams played solid defense in wet and muddy conditions, but were certainly warm and dry when they returned home, at least if they have Baker’s Heating and Air service their units.

Our Warehouse Willy’s offensive player of the week was Jimmy Bob Jo-Jo Chipper from the Squirrels, who completed 1-13 passes for six yards and rushed for two yards on 19 carries.

The LeFlore County Youth Services defensive player of the game was presented to Ralf de Pardue, who narrowly edged out Farm Bureau agent Jerry Pitchford’s second-best defensive player of the game, Mickeal White. White would have probably won the first-place award, but had to leave the game with an EOMC Hospital medical update dislocated pinkie toe.

Our Myers Drive-In ballchildren for the game were Danny Don Dumas for the Panthers and Jasminian Nikolian Featherdusterhead for the Squirrels. Both ballchildren were presented certificates suitable for framing by Kevin Traywick at GCT Printing Solutions! And remember, always get your suitable for framing certificates put in a frame from Diane’s Hobby and Leisure Attire in downtown Monroe.

The postgame interview with the winning coach was sponsored this week by Kay Sullivan Realty, who has been assisting buyers in their search for their dream home for well over 10 years.

“Goshdarn it was good to win this here dadgum ballgame,” said Bob Marchant Scoreboard Show (TM) winning coach Billy “Burp” Magnet. “I really gotta, uh, hand it to the players! They was the ones who won this game. I knew we had one of them big advantages in the coaching department, but them boys out on the field was the ones a blockin, a tackalin and sweating so much they probably cleaned out all those blackheads on their noses which gives me heartache. Not us coaches.”

“I can’t figger this out,” said Summerfield coach Arnie “the Lefty” Switchthrower in our Dawgone Grooming Salon interview with the losing coach! “Them refs done ripped us a new one! I tell you, Burp musta paid them an extra chili dog with the extra cheese or something at halftime. We got them yeller hankies throwed on us all night long.”

Our Stu’s Septic Service LeFlore County Journal game of the week picture is sponsored this week by the Dugout Drive-In on Hwy. 271 in Wister.

The Carl Albert State College scholastic player of the game was Ithan Lanscome III from Summerfield, who has a 2.23 GPA despite missing two weeks earlier in the semester with a medical condition that HIPPA laws state we cannot share.

“I wish I could have played tonight,” said Lanscome III, a fourth-string slotback on offense for the Squirrels. “I can understand the coach’s decision, but I really think I could have made a difference. It’s a good thing my uncle Mortimer is the president of the school board because I am going to talk with him about getting rid of the coach.”

Hopefully this generates the ad revenue for the Journal to make it big time!

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