Looking for my safe place

To those in charge of ordering the weather, we apologize.

Whatever we did that was not right, WE ARE SORRY. Please, no more. We had the worst winter in recent memory and my shoulder has still not recovered from that dreadful slip and slide trip down the driveway thanks to the ice back in February. Did I mention how steep our driveway is? Think George Washington’s nose on Mt. Rushmore!

So now, every day almost for the last two weeks, radio guys and television dudes have talked in excited voices about vortexes, bulge patterns (should we be discussing this over the air?) and going to my “safe place”.

I have a safe place? Great, where is it? It does bring comfort in these times of woes to retreat to my safe place. Now, if I could just find it.

Garrett and the guys on 40/29, who I don’t know but visit when KFSM gets scrambled, which has strangely happened a couple of times, or switches over to air “Wheel of Fortune” when half of LeFlore County is about to get blown away, have started using “safe place”. I even heard it on the radio.

It used to be “get in the (insert dirty word) storm cellar or bathroom…and duck!” Is that our safe place?

I asked Trish where our “safe place” is, but she was too busy watching the same “Sister Wives” for the 15th time and did not give me directions.

Personally, I trust Garrett. In Garrett we trust, even though he, like every other announcer needs to realize it is R-I-C-H-A-R-T, not R-I-K-E-R-T. We have also been blessed with the butchering of Bokoshe and Pocola, but not by Garrett, by gosh!

Weather technology has come a long way. Now, we know just how big the blasted hail is going to be that is going to dent our heads, hoods and houses.

“See this purple mass!” a weather person announces. “That is hail! Let’s take a look at just how big the hail is!”

When they say “Whoa!” or use hail in another tone, it is not a good sign. Softball size? Please no. I don’t much care for the green pea size, let alone softball.

I do believe some of our weather guys have gotten a little carried away with all the technology available. “Say weather sidekick, let’s check out the vortex of that storm and before anybody figures out what the hail they are looking at, switch to something else right before we tell the good people of some community I have never heard of to duck because we missed that tornado which is about to wipe the community off the map while playing with our weather technology!”

And what makes it even worse is, as some of you are aware, my Clark Kent duties are working at an insurance agent before I put my cape on and become Journal Man.

Let’s just say the downtime around the office has been slim. Claims, claims and more claims.

The people have suffered enough. Heck, Molly turned a year old the other day and couldn’t even celebrate with a game of fetch since every time we tried to go outside, it rained and the wind blew hard enough to even mess my hair up.

Okay, it was nostril hairs, but it was still bad. Fortunately, that same weather technology is predicting good weather for the next few days. So we can all come out of our “safe place” and return to living.